October 28, 2011

Now What?

I have been off from work for a little over two months. I am caught up on life-stuff that had spiraled out of control while I was working and stressed. I don't have any big travel plans. My guests have all left. I feel like I have returned to the world of the living after de-stressing. So, now what?

First, I went up to the coffee shop for another mocha to help me ponder my life. I certainly have projects and personal pursuits that I can fill my time with and I would certainly get a great deal of enjoyment out of doing them, but I guess I never got to honestly ask myself the question, "What do you want to do with your life?" Always, I have been filled with a sense of responsibility and obligation but never a sense of freedom in asking myself this question. I think I am beginning to have a sense of what I want to do, like a dog who is close to picking up a scent trail. I want to be careful not to fill my time with too many "doings" that are not going to help me answer this question.

I think I am still in a learning and discovery phase. I am afraid that my time off will be up and I will still not have an answer as to what I want to do. Sometimes the days slip away so quickly and I feel like I have not produced or contributed anything and when that happens, I feel kind of purposeless and pointless. I am not complaining, I am still very grateful that I do not have to work. It has been an incredible learning process and extremely rejuvenating. I am afraid of being stuck in this fog forever, stumbling into subpar opportunities and, while I may make the best of them, they don't necessarily make the best of me.

Today I met Guy, my 25th Stranger in the 100 Strangers project.

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