January 20, 2012

I Am a Difficult Boss

A couple of weeks ago I had the idea that a morning walk, every morning, would be a good way to start my day seeing as how I have no job to go to and generally don't have to report in with anyone. I guess I only need to report in with myself. In order to do this, I need to leave and come back to the house, so that I feel like I have left home and then arrived somewhere, ready for my day's work. This may seem silly, but it is much harder then you would think to be self-disciplined each and every day. I am still working that one out.

Since I am really only accountable to myself (my spouse as well, but not any more than any other married person) I create my own additional responsibilities, to-do lists, chores and projects that I fill my day with just like a normal, working person would do. Being your own boss is both wonderful and incredibly hard. I think it is obvious why being your own boss is wonderful - freedom. Perhaps it is more difficult to imagine why it may be hard to boss yourself around. You have to motivate, manage, supervise and do performance reviews on yourself. These can be painful!

I have found that I am a difficult boss. I never do things fast enough, good enough or just plain enough. I give myself an unreasonable amount of tasks in an unreasonable amount of time. I don't let myself have breaks or take it easy. I give myself lectures when I am not performing up to what is expected. I am judgmental and critical of the amount and quality of work I do.

You are probably asking, what is it that you spend your days doing if you don't have a job? What kind of "work" are you doing? Well, I will tell you - I am doing things that I want to do, that I have wanted to do for a while, things I have put off until I had the time. And it is now time. So, I take these things that I want to do, many of which are creative projects that I really enjoy doing, and I turn them into work tasks that I beat myself up about because I am not improving, accomplishing or churning them out fast enough.

So today, when I told myself that I had to go for a morning walk because I told myself I would do it, I went. It was pouring rain, which is actually fine. I took some pictures, which was also fine. I drank my coffee while I walked - also known as multi-tasking. I hit the corner grocery store for my mid-week shopping run on my way back - gotta kill two birds with one stone, very efficient. Then I returned and started to write out my to-do list for the day while I did my hip and back stretches on the floor. Suddenly I realized that the main reason, the number one motivation for starting these morning walks is because I love morning and taking time to appreciate the new day, but I had just spent the last forty minutes doing almost none of that. I was so busy getting something on my list done that I forgot why I was doing it and instead was just grumbling about who-knows-what thoughts going through my mind.

So, enough of this craziness. I am working this one out, another thing for my to-do list. Just kidding, well, not really. All is not lost. I had my camera with me and it is the much kinder, gentler reminder to look around you, take it in and ask yourself, what do you see?

Below are a few of the images from my morning walk in the rain and fog in Alamo Square.

Donwtown San Francisco

Bush and Lamppost in Alamo Square

The church on Fulton Street

Horizon disappearing into fog.

Wet Grove Street

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