April 19, 2013

Friday

We walk above Japantown, the pedestrian bridge and Poppy is scared, but just a little. The traffic stops beneath us and she watches. We meet a girl, a young black girl who likes Poppy and asks her name while she pets her. I tell her, "Poppy" and she thinks for a moment.
"I had a friend named Poppy!"
"That's an unusual name!"
"Yeah, she was the only person I've ever known to have that name."
I like to notice lines and shapes while I walk, while I concentrate on my feet, my arches, my gait. I tell myself to land mid-foot, not with a heel strike. So I find myself staring at the ground while I concentrate and I like to see the shapes that nature fits into man-made containers.

The Light Shining Through the Tree

The light was shining through the tree and for no other purpose other than it was wondrous, I captured an image to share with you.

I ask myself, what is my purpose?

Foggy. 

Think, think, think, think. 

Foggy. 

Frustrated.

THINK! What is my ... ? What was I thinking about?

Go do something to be productive.

I am productive, I am busy, now I am adding value to this world.

What was it I asked myself?

It has been this way for a long time. I kept doing what I thought people were feeding me as the "right thing". From small things like writing an email to big things like choosing a career, I have existed mostly in a state of fog. It is easier to do what you are "told" then to face yourself and ask the hard questions.

I have no job, no kids, no long to-do list to sabotage my time. I have set my life up now so that I have no more excuses to not ask myself the question... "what is my purpose?" On a large scale, the answer remains, "I don't know."  What I do know is that purpose can come in small ways and small steps. I need space and time to make mistakes, conduct trials and errors and maybe breakthroughs. In a small way, my purpose is to share these things, to stumble upon them, carry them home and show them to you.

Along the trail lay the leaf, waiting to be appreciated for the artistic talent nature has with frost.